Marriage is the one of the biggest decision of a girl’s life. And when marrying a sailor, she has to think through all the related parameters before she can take this step. Unfortunately to marry a sailor, a girl has to broaden her parameters and think on different lines. Certain extra parameters can be listed as:
Things To Consider Before Marrying a Sailor
Separation anxiety: Sadly,this is a major point of concern for a girl and her family as to how will she survive when the sailor is away as after marriage husband is the biggest support system in the new family. With him gone, she has to undertake all the responsibility by herself. So can she face this anxiety herself and wait for him patiently.
Sacrifices: Every girl in marriage is bound to undergo some sacrifices. But in case of sailor’s wife, something extra is always required. Can she leave her job, her career, her family, her house to be with him on-board or if she decides to stay back then can she sacrifice the support she has with him in the new household with the new things or is she blaming him already for this condition of hers. Be mentally very strong if you decide to stay back alone because sometimes when you need him emotionally, he might just not be there.
Trust: Trust plays an important role in marriage and especially when the couple is staying apart. Merchant Navy is already famous for Wealth, Wine and Women. Not only you have to have faith in him when he is away but you also have to fulfill his trust when he leaves you at his place. In love marriages, since you already know the guy, trust issues are less. But in case of an arrange marriage, it becomes difficult for partners to trust each other blindly miles apart. So know the other person well before you decide to get married.
Family: Family has a crucial role for a girl whose sailor is away from her. Since they are the only ones with you, it will be good if you create a bond with them as this will keep most of your mind at peace. So know them before marrying a sailor because they will our guidance, your support and your shoulder to cry on when he is not there. If you wish to start your family with the sailor, make sure you are ready for it as he might not be there with you throughout your pregnancy. So think about this special period you will go through along with his family.
Compromises: It usually tests you in two ways. If you are ready to sail with him, are you ready to adapt to the new surroundings where you will be in ocean most of the time, no luxuries, no home like food, not much people to talk to and a whole new life style. How much are you ready to handle that? And if you decide not to sail, then are you ready to celebrate your birthdays, his birthdays, anniversaries, valentines or festivals alone when he is sailing.
His personal and professional life: it is important for you to know the sailor personally as well. He has another side too, an emotional one which is craving for a partner to share his life with. Know him as a person, what his likes/dislikes/hobbies are and what he usually loves to do when he is on vacation. On professional front know about his job on ship, his contract terms and family sailing conditions to know him best. Many people at his home front are already misinformed as to what his ship is and what he actually does. You don’t want to be one of them.
Your personal lifestyle: After marriage a girl compromises and adjusts but she doesn’t give up her own personal lifestyle. Take your time to ponder upon yourself. What do you want after marriage: are you ambitious and want to do a good job, do you want a family, do you want to travel with him. Make your decision and then live upon it. Life is very short to live with regrets.
Your key to survival: Indulge yourself into activities that make you happy. Marrying a sailor gives you an opportunity to maintain your own space that is required even after marriage. Pick a hobby, do your job, get yourself into studies or when on-board bring out the chef in you. With mariners you can live your own passion.
Positive thinking: Along with the above points, being optimistic about life and situations will help you to pick yourself up whenever you are down. Today he might not be there for you, but tomorrow when he is there he will be giving his 100% attention to you only 24/7, he has no other major job to attend to.
Love: As they say “Love Conquers All”….. Unfortunately in mariner’s case, mind of a girl is cluttered by above thoughts so much that love takes a back seat. But eventually Love is the one that will get you married. If you already love a sailor or falling for one, never let him go because the life that you share with him with all the hardships is the one that makes your relationship even more stronger than rest of the World. Give him your unconditional love and he will sail through life with you!!!!
Most of the things are wrong…how can you be chef when visiting a galley is unlawful onboard. Don’t misguide people.
Well sandhya in many big companies u are allowed to cook and enter wherever you feel like except the engine room and the oil tanks…
Hi sandhya.
I appreciate ur remarks. However i ve tried to generalise things in it from all the girls point of view i can understand that i cudve missed out some points. Related to point that uve brought out.. sometimes ur allowed to go in the galley and cook if u take the permission.
There is no such law that you can’t enter galley.With all the necessary safety precaution taken at hand you are very much welcome inside the Galley.
It’s not unlawful.. with Chief steward’s permission any crew member can go inside galley
You can make foods ,no problem.
Everybody likes some homely.
If you are a good chef everybody on board appreciate you
Very well said….
Nice column ..
Il destino mi ha portato a conoscere un ragazzo dalle mille qualità ma il suo lavoro , essere un marinaio non deve essere un problema. Per questo noi ragazze di uomini di mare dobbiamo essere pazieti e forti.
Here is the translated version of this comment for our readers:
”
Destiny has brought me to know a guy with a thousand qualities but his work , as a sailor should not be a problem . girls of seamen must be patient and strong .
Very well, Vinita. You are right. The most important of all is trust – from both sides. And, in the end … love conquers all. If someone says that it is impossible to be truthful, honest and faithful to the one you love only because he/she is far away that means that you do not love him/her enough.
Distances make the relations stronger and put them to a test. If they resist, it means that there is true love in the air, if not … it means that it was not meant to be. Sailors’ wives should understand the part of the sacrifice they are supposed to make, but they also should take care of their lives – desires, hopes – and never give them up. Being alone for a while does not mean that your world is finished and all you have to do is cry, stare at the wall and count the days until he is home. It is up to you how you decide to fill the emptiness – you can have a job, you can raise kids or you can take up a hobby (or more) or you can give up everything else and start sailing with your husband. Not all the wives have the possibility to choose – depending on their nationality, religion or education – but those of you who can decide for yourself be sure to make the best decisions of all. For you and your partner. Life is to be lived and enjoyed.
Concerning the other aspect – cooking in the galley: yes, some companies/ chief cooks do not allow wives to enter the galley and cook or bake cakes. Some companies allow it . Anyhow, I do not know how it is with the company your husband works for, but, whenever I sail with my husband, our company requires a set of medical checks for me which are approx the same as the one required for the galley depart. I always take extra necessary medical test in order to be sure – for my sake and the others’ as well – that I am in perfectly medical condition, so I can cook meals in the galley for all the crew if I want to.
Hi Oana…
Thank you for all the warm and lovely appreciation tht u gave to my writing. Thanks for noticing the points about trust from both sides which i wanted to convey and love too. A queen should never give upon herself just to cry when her sailor is away.. she can learn something new to surprise him or she can do a makeover or anything that her heart indulge her and get her mind off. Nowadays girls are smart to balance both the things and if not marrying a sailor improvise the situation as they learn balancing. Going on board or staying at home can be a decision taken in unison and things get better if uve positive thots and optimism.
As to cooking in galley.. my point was that if onboard u can indulge in any hobby u wish to.. be it cooking.. painting.. reading.. dancing.. singing… afterall a ship is a sign of freedom. Sorry to miss out on other points!!! Hehehehe
Thanks for the support Oana on all my write ups and looking forward to catch up with u more.
Love ya… ☺
Thank you Giovy, Kunwar, Ribhu and Madhu for the love☺
This was such a lovely post. Thank you for sharing your experience. Being in love itself is a luxury, i feel and if with a sailor then luxury goes with a double quote. I knew him for 6 days when he went and today our distance in relationship counts exactly 3months and 15days. Each and every second is so piercingly painful. Everything was so by chance. Yet, i would not deny that the feeling of attachment being miles apart is so awesome. The wait for his mails and calls , the excitement to meet, that one glimpse of him and the forever hug makes life really worth living and special.
Thnk u nibedita…☺
Nice one, I have gone through the writings, u r able to give a nice image of how will be the family life of a sailor.Am a student who will become a sailor with years ,so I enjoyed u r writing very much .
Thanks Vishnu for your encouraging words
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Thank you Vishnu
All things that said what girl should do but who will going to tell a sailer what should he do after comming to someone ofvthem they never give 100 percent attension to their wife they think their family excluding her is more imp or other work… While he is on ship he give attention to her becz no other people is available at any time for then at night too but after coming here ….
Wow…..
It’s informative for whom searching
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